Anthonyli88’s Blog

241108 (Monday)

I am deeply saddened by my inability to be able to see off Edward on the day of 251108. I knew from the very day I left the BBQ party that it may be the last time I would get a chance to talk to him face to face in a couple of years to come. However, I did not manage to convey many important messages to him that night. I knew I had failed in this aspect. The situation was particularly aggravated when I was reminded by Jason on facebook about the times when we used to play risk together in my bunk in Kranji camp. I sought for a moment to recall those moments I deeply enjoyed. At that very moment while I was writing this post, I felt like crying. I am extremely emotional because my memories remind me of his innocence, his ability to keep his feelings concealed and his ever ready smile in times of adversity (when you joke with him). It is something that will always be deeply embedded in my memories.

The soul will always regret my inability to be there at Edwad’s flight because my friends were there for me when I left for Taiwan!

-AnTz-

The gathering of close friends allows the individual to reminisce those precious moments of great fun and laughter that we used to share when we were young and full of vigour. It is definitely an understatement to say that we have grown old by inferring from the above statement as we have but spent a mere 20 years on the surface of this earth. However, we must always treasure such moments of friendship as we must bear in mind that we may never have a chance to experience this kind of bond ever again in our entire lifespan. Remembering the fact that we are all mortals and made of flesh and blood allows me to understand the greatest enemy in my life is ‘time’ for he slowly denies me the chance to breathe in my next mouthful of fresh air with every second passed as I walked aimlessly towards my unscheduled death in this wilderness  which is full of darkness. This sudden and much welcomed enlightenment that I have conceived during my times of boredom and reflection in national service makes me wonder whether I have taken most of my friends and loved ones for granted. Hence, I look forward to forging a memory of this entity of friends which will remind me of their existence and the warmth I have felt whenever I am with them. I must thank them for making me feel that I will no longer walk alone in this darkness for they are my fire who will bring light and warmth to my ever changing path. I thank god for giving me such gifts in life to accompany me on my journey to join him in his home.

The soul understands this instinctively unknowingly to my physical body! It cherishes the fact that we are lucky that me KokMeng and Kah Chin are able to eat together and discuss issues that are both intimate and distant from our hearts on the night of 221108. The soul will also mark the date of the creation of the group ZHSS 4E2 of 03/04 batch as a milestone in that particular class’ life. It recognises that those are the people that I have sorely/solely missed and neglected in my past 4 years of hectic life.

Friday (141108)

What a memorable night at the east coast park at marine parade!

In my last two years, I and my comrades had very little to celebrate since our enlistment into army. In order to mark the end of a phase of our lives, we put together this fantastic BBQ outing. At the same time, we took this opportunity to bid Edward farewell.

The night started off with a massive preparation process for this session. However, I was not present as I was working at Bedok. Regrettably, I haven’t really thank them personally for all the hard work they put it into this BBQ and Edward’s present. Once the real BBQ started, there was much fun and laughter as we took turns interviewing one and another in front of Joewei’s new camera. Occasionally, we made interesting and comical scenes and videos to serve as a tribute to our one and a half years of friendship and brotherhood. Along the way, we had a constant supply of BBQed chicken wings, chicken cutlet and sambal stingray as we continue our process of merrymaking. An unexpected group of people was persent for this event such as Cedric and Xingyang who turned up despite the fact that they are not going to ORD anytime soon. I was extremely glad they could be with us on that day for they had been with us during those defining moments in our national service.

The crescendo of this event was actually that of bidding farewell to Edward. It was an event where tears were shed and emotions ran high. We declared the start of the event by gathering all the people present and demanding a rehearsal of how we are going to give the present to Edward. It was hilarious for me and PCK were humming the music of the military salute as Edward between two rolls of people. As Edward walk in between any pair of friends, we will give him a salute and pull the party poppe5r right in his face. When we actually came to presenting the price to him, all our eyes were red including his eyes. There was a moment of silence as each and everyone of us know in our hearts that we will miss one and another as we walk our seperate ways in  life espeacially Edward who will be flying back to Hong Kong to study there and probably work there in the future.

The soul will be eternally moved by that very moment we bid farewell. Good BYE and take care my friends!

It is unfortunate that the soul is tired. My plans are not really going as per what I want due to many foreseeable yet underestimated circumstances/issues/problems. However, I wish to press on with my plans no matter how hard it is.

“Progress is the creativity of today and the assurance of tomorrow.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I have started work at BCCS(Bethesda Community Care Service) as per planned after my stint with the Singapore Armed Forces as a full time national service man. My ORD(operational ready date) is as per expected- a day of many memories as i walked down Cupola Avenue. Certain emotions which I thought I would be able to feel with great intensity were not around such as those of euphoria and jublilance. Instead, all I ever felt on this faithful day of 101108 was this sense of loss. It is like being thrown into a deep jungle in the middle of the night without a compass or a map. However, at that very instant I felt that I was at the same time relieved of the burdens of chains, locks and iron bars of distant concrete jungles. Although the past threatens to haunt me for the next ten years or for the rest of my life both physically, mentally and spiritually, I promise myself solemnly from this moent onwards that I will let the past be left in the shadows of the distant army camps I had visited. It was in those days of darkness that I began hatching the plans of my return to this world of equivalent instability and chaos. Mark my prophetic words! for if I fail, I will never cease to try again and again till the very day I can announce my victory. The only other day I can contemplate of stopping this march is the very day which I can never attempt to continue this pursuit of my dreams because my God has deem it unfit.

My plans nowadays are no doubt merely those of preparation for a larger cause. I must assure that they go through for I am preparing for the opening to execute what I am so determined to do. With preparation, I seek success. Even in failure, I seek to be sure I have done all I can.

I will state this virtue of mine which is essentially described in this quotation of Sir Abraham Lincoln.

“I am not bound to win in what I attempt, but I am a man. I am bound to be true to the best I know. Any departure from this is contemptible cowardice.”

The soul will never give up no matter the length of road or the condition it is in. Let the past be strength and the dream of the future be inspiration!

My soul desires to speak. It wants to tell my friends and those who lay their eyes on this blog about my life. My life is nothing close to interesting. My soul simply offers those around an insight into my deepest thoughts and feelings. Maybe, maybe… … one can infer a few little things from these writtings about the true ‘me’… …

(Am I truly ‘psycho’? Am I truly foolish? Am I exactly the person you see? Is your mind’s eyes fooling you into believing something that is not true about me?)

It is up to you to find out!

-AntZ-